Queer Eye for the Hogwarts Guy
by SnowflakeGinny
Summary: Hogwarts Fab Five and Ron are going to improve Harry and make him proper for his first big night with Ginny. what will come out this? one big fiasco! HPGW R
1. Part I

**Disclaimer**: A always I own nothing….maybe in the far future when camels will rule the world and all we'll be able to do is own stuff like Harry Potter…

**A/N:** again this something that popped into that lovely and creative brain of mine…after it came I couldn't stop from laughing my head off.

Without further ado I present you:

_**Queer Eye for the Hogwarts Guy!**_

**6:45 am:**

Five boys ran up the stairs of the Gryffindor Boys' dormitory and without even knocking stormed in to a half naked Harry Potter.

"AAAHHHH!"

"Morning sunshine!" said the dark skin yet very charming Dean Thomas. "Today is you're lucky day, Harry dear."

"What in Merlin's name are you on about?" he asked in rage trying to keep his towel steady on his body.

"You Harry," said the ravishing Draco Malfoy and checked him out, "Are going to be rehabilitated

"Renewed-" Joined Terry Boot.

"Changed-" added Colin Creevy.

"And Improved-" included Zachariah Smith.

"For My sister Ginny!" Finished Ron with a cheerful grin.

"Ron! What the hell is going on? What is this circus?" he enraged at his redhead best friend. "Don't tell me it was you're idea?"

"Well…I did it for your own good and for my sister." His ears became dreadfully red. "Bloody Fred and George and their dumb ideas." He muttered.

"Don't be mad at this cute little red bunny, it's for the best, relax and go with flow." Said Terry and patted Ron back to show support.

Harry shrugged and sighed before he said a very weak, "Fine. Just don't make a mess."

"No Mess no Game, Potter. Let's start shall we?" brightened up the mood Colin. "Today Harry, you will be fashioned, groomed, redecorated, cultured, and food reinvented!"

"Oh My God! Have you seen this?" shrieked Zachariah as he looked through Harry's trunk and held in his hand red boxers with golden Snitches.

"Give me that!" Harry grabbed the boxers from his hands and blush covered his face.

"Where did you get those?" asked a very amused Dean as he looked around Harry's bed.

"Mrs. Weasley bought them for me over the summer, got problems with that?"

"Not at All, Sweetpea." Smiled Terry and saw the massive stash of candies and a few rotten sandwiches under Harry's bed. "My, you are just a filthy animal." Then he muttered something about spanking his undeniably firm-

"Hey, I can hear you Boot!" Terry gave him a naughty smile and returned to his mission.

"You know what, Harry, go put on some clothes and we'll start our day." Without any other commotion Harry got fully dressed (Much to Draco and Terry's protests) and prepared for the day.

**8:30 am:**

After having breakfast and making sure that Ginny wasn't around Harry, the Fab Five and Ron and Harry made their way for the carriage leading the way to Hogsmeade.

"First thing Harry, Dean is going to take you to this new and outrageous store for domestic stuff you know, whips chains-"

"Domestic, Colin, not dominatrix." Dean said and patted Harry's knee to reassure him.

"Potato-Patattah."

**9:00 am:**

They arrived Hogsmeade just in time for Harry and Dean to run together with Ron to the new store for decorative households.

"Were in this new and fabulous store called **_Mahogany_** and as you can see it's got this amazing furniture and accessories to make your own little kissing spot to a snogging heaven." He winked at him and Harry laughed lightly and relaxed.

"You snog Ginny in our dorm? Sick sick sick!"

"Leave him to be, he's just jealous because 'Mione won't let him snog her unless it's on a weekend and unless he finished his homework." Harry teased and smirked at Ron.

**10:15 am:**

Leaving Ron and Dean to purchase the other things he needed for his small privet spot in the dormitory room, Harry was on his way to meet none other then Draco Malfoy to do his hair.

"Malfoy, you're gay?"

"Don't be such a drama queen, Potter, that's my job." He smiled and showed Harry the way they were going.

"I'm here, Potter, to help you and that lovely built up body-" he gave him the elevator look (A/N: you know the elevator look, it's when a guy checks you out from head to tow and from tow to head- stopping on you butt and of course chest.) and smirked slyly. "-of yours an upgrade. We'll make a man out of you!"

They walked over to **_Min's Beauty Parlor for Magic Men_** and Draco had Harry sitting in front of a mirror.

"Look at yourself, you're an animal! Your hair is mess-"

"It's always like that!"

"Skin of a smolder salamander-"

"I resent that!"

"Don't get me started on your porous."

"Because you're bloody perfect?"

"Look at me, Potter."

Harry stared at him and saw, perfect blond hair, smooth white skin, pointy chin and a very masculine body.

"Bloody hell, you are perfect."

"Of course I am, but let's not make a fuss over me, yet-" he winked playfully at Harry, "-today the fuss is all around you."

"What do you have in mind?" asked Harry with big amount of curiosity and fear for his head.

"First let's do something with this bird nest on your head-"

"Hey! I'm a fond of this bird nest!" Harry stroked his messy jet black hair and messed it some more.

"Of course you do, my little courageous Gryffindor, but I'm in charge here and I say-" he turned to Mini, the Parlor owner and head stylist. "Chop it!"

"What! No!" Harry jumped from his seat. "NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR! DO YOU HERE ME? NO ONE!"

"Don't get your knickers in a bloody twist, Potter, relax you're in safe hands." He smirked and signed Mini to approach. "Close your eyes, Pothead and try to make the best out of it, who knows you might like to look like a normal human being, in your terms of normal of course."

Harry huffed and mumbled a few curse words before he allowed himself to calm down and enjoy this treatment.

**12:45 pm:**

"You're alive!"

"Happy to see you too, Zachariah."

"As much as I love the chitchat part we need to get you something to wear tonight for the Ball."

He showed him the way to **_Gladrags Wizardwaer_** in order for Harry to have the benefit of the wide options he had of dressrobes and every day robes.

"What do you say about this?" Zachariah hold a shocking pink dressrobe.

"Now way I'm wearing that!"

"It's not for you it's for Me." he released a small laugh.

"If were already here, can we get something for Ginny too?"

"And they say chivalry is dead!" he whipped a fake tear. "You are a lovely little bugger."

"I know I am." He said confidently and browsed through the dressrobes.

"I think we created a Bogart."

"Tell me Zachariah." He took out dressrobe from it and showed him. "Does this mach my eyes?"

**14:20 pm:**

Harry was on his way back to Hogwarts where he was to meet Colin at the Room of Requirement.

He opened the door slowly and froze when he saw the sight in front of him.

"Surprise!" Colin yelled enthusiastically and grinned widely.

"What is this?"

"This-" said Colin and spread his arms "-is a ball room. And I'm-" he smiled broadly. "-going to be you're dance instructor!"

Harry considered for a moment to jump and strangle him, but he knew that Ginny cared about him. Colin was considered lucky.

Harry sighed heavily. "Where do we start?" he walked over to Colin.

"First, put your arms on my waist."

"I'm sorry; I thought I heard you say that I have put my arms on your waist."

"I did, now put them." Gulping very loud Harry placed his shaky arms on Colin's waist. "Give me your hand. Give it!" he gave his hand. "Good boy. Music! Now you see Harry, Ginny loves dancing she's an amazing dancer herself, oh and they way her make up is done and her clothes-"

"Colin!"

"Yes?"

"You're blabbering."

"Am I?"

"Big time."

"Oh well, let's get back to dancing." They swayed lightly to the music for a couple of minutes. "It will be nice if you'll kiss her while you dance, and whisper something sweet."

"Like what?"

"How about how beautiful she looks, or something like…how much you love her-"

"Do you really think she needs all that?"

"Every girl wants to hear those things, sometimes even a little boy." He winked and pinched Harry's butt.

"That's sexual harassment, you know!"

"Don't worry, I won't tell."

**17:00 pm:**

As Harry made his way to the Hogwarts kitchens to meet Terry but to his bed luck, he was late.

"You're late."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Who?"

"Sherl-never mind. What are we going to do?"

"That's the spirit; this is the easy part of the day. Since you don't have to cook for Ginny, I'm going to advise you about the food tonight."

"Terry, I can kiss you!"

"Sorry, love, I'm taken so don't start doing a cartwheel."

"I was being metaphorical."

"Of course you were. Okay, food! Ginny is a Weasley, she loves to eat, she loves sweets, she loves food."

"Actually-"

"Hush Harry, I know what I'm doing. As I said before I was rudely interrupted, she loves food; therefore I thought it would be nice of you to know what will be severed tonight at the ball, it will be helpful for you and ease the evening."

"Yes, but you I don't think-"

"It's not your job to think it's mine." Terry looked at his wristwatch. "Peter Pl and Marry! You have to go and get ready for the Ball!"

"But it's only in two more hours!"

"You have to take a shower, dress, do your hair-"

"Alright I get it! I'm going I'm going!"

"You're not going anywhere lover boy, I'm coming with you, you have to see the changes we did."

"Oh dear..."

**18:00 pm:**

"Bloody hell! What did you do to my bed?"

"We redecorated it, sweetheart, don't you like it?"

"I-I-I..."

"He's speechless! Good work boys!"

"Now remember Harry, shower, dry, jell form bottom to forehead and smile!"

"Brush your teeth!"

"Dress properly!"

"Be graceful, kiss her while dancing, and say something sweet."

"Eat well, help her choose her food."

They were still yelling advices as Harry closed the door on them; he took in a deep breath and panted.

"This is going to a very, very, long night."

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**A/N:** you know you want to, you have to, or else I'll make you!

REVIEW!

_**SnowFlakeGinny! **_


	2. Part II

**Disclaimer: i own almost everthing you see in this fic, from Harry Potter to the Song "Have I Told You Lately" because i'm the queen of the world (yes i know it sounds like the line from Titanic but guess what? i own it too!) naturally you will all obey me now if you know whats good for you...only because i don't own it all i let you off the hook...but onlythis one time, next time i'll lock you in a broom closetwith my male hippoGloria! and he isvey raugh!**

**A/N:** thank you to all that reviewed:

**Hplovesme, been , meddlesome-muggle , Pussin Boots , SueP , Kiyda , LuthienGranger2004, Boa Charmer , BeachHn332 , JoeBob1379 , Shire cat.**

_**Queer Eye for the Hogwarts Guy!**_

_**Part II**_

**19:55 pm:**

Harry waited at the top of the staircase leading to the Great Hall, he knew that whatever will be waiting for him down there can be either the best thing he have ever had or his worst nightmare.

"Relax. Be confidante. You're Potter, Harry Potter!" he repeated this mantra as he made his way down. Slowly as he walked down he noticed Ginny. She wore the dress he bought her, he knew it would be perfect for her, he was taking a big risk by picking a scarlet dress for his favorite redhead, but to his luck it was a very deep and dark shade of scarlet. Ginny's hair was in an elegant twist with a few strands out if it but she looked lovely then ever.

"Harry!" she gasped as she saw him walking towards her. "Is it really you?"

"No, I'm Toko the water skiing parrot!" (A/N: look at the first chapter of OotP!)

"Who! Harry you're different."

"Good different or bad different?"

"Different, that's all." She saw that he was disappointed with her comment so she took his hand in hers. "But I like it. Escort me to the ball, kind Sir?

"With pleasure, fair lady."

**20:10 pm:**

"This table, Gin." He saw that she was on her way to sit but remembered what Colin said so he took it in action. "Here-" he pulled her chair.

"Ouch!" Ginny want flat on her bum.

"Damnit, Ginny are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Harry but you should've warned before you took my seat away."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He helped her up and began to clean her dress on the back.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"You're still touching my butt."

"Oh right. Sorry."

**20:15 pm:**

"Poor thing, he's so nervous, we can fill the great lake with his sweat." Worried Terry as the Fab five set in a far table watching Harry every move.

"He'll manage, I never saw him not working his way out if a messy situation." Said Draco and took a seep out of his drink. "And even if he messes up, she still loves him."

"I a win-win situation." Colin interfered. "Oh look! He's ordering their food! Oh gentlemanly."

"I'm good aren't I?" declared Terry and broke into a winning smile.

"Hold your horses there, Terry." Dean stated. "Looks like Red Getting angry." And he pointed his head to Harry and Ginny direction:

"WHY ARE YOU ORDERING MY FOOD! GEEZ WHAT GOT INTO YOU!"

"I-I-I…"

"WELL? ANSWER ME HARRY JAMES POTTER!"

"Oh dear! She used the full name trick." Piped Zachariah.

"I almost pity the poor thing." Joined Draco but the looks of the group disturbed him. "I said almost. A-l-m-o-s-t. Bugger off, let's get back to eavesdropping."

**20:30 pm:**

"Ginny."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, HARRY!"

"Ginny-"

"You knew I waited for tonight! I thought it meant something for you too! And you were so nice, buying me this dress and looking so handsome and all but then you had to go and blow it all up! Why Harry? Why?"

"Ginny listen to me-"

"I should have known better. I should have listened to Hermione and Luna when they said not to get my hopes up because you did just ask my yesterday to the ball."

"Please Gin-"

"Maybe you are just trying to be polite; asking me because I'm Ron's little sister and all. Is that why are you here?"

"No but-"

"I thought you cared for me! I thought we were getting closer I thought-"

**20:35 pm:**

"Smart move."

"God he looks good."

"First one today."

"God he looks good."

"Ginny is such a lucky girl."

"God he looks good."

"Why won't they get a room?"

"God he looks good."

"Shut up, Colin!" the other four said in harmony.

"But he does!" he sighed heartily. "God he looks good."

**20:40 pm:**

"I wanted to do this for such a long time." Harry whispered as he held Ginny close to him.

"How long?" she asked in a raspy voice.

"Too long." He looked into her eyes and smiled. "Dance with me?"

"_You_ know how to dance?"

"Shocking as it may be, I do."

"Let's see then."

Harry and Ginny made their way to the dance floor just in time for Harry to signal the bend to play.

_Have I told you lately that I love you  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
Fill my heart with gladness  
take away all my sadness  
ease my troubles that's what you do_

"Well Gin?"

"Well what Harry?" Harry twirled her and smiled at her.

"Did I make to the team?" Harry asked teasingly as he bent Ginny down.

_  
For the morning sun in all it's glory  
greets the day with hope and comfort too  
You fill my life with laughter  
and somehow you make it better  
ease my troubles that's what you do  
There's a love that's divine  
and it's yours and it's mine like the sun  
And at the end of the day  
we should give thanks and pray  
to the one, to the one_

"Ummmmm…" it looked like she was thinking about it seriously."I had betters." The look on Harry's face was what caused her to break into hysterical giggles.

"You little witch!" he wanted to sound hurt but he didn't really cared he had Ginny in his arms and that was all that mattered.

_Have I told you lately that I love you  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
Fill my heart with gladness  
take away all my sadness  
ease my troubles that's what you do _

There's a love that's divine  
and it's yours and it's mine like the sun  
And at the end of the day  
we should give thanks and pray  
to the one, to the one

"Is there something I can do for you?" Harry suddenly asked as he caressed Ginny's hand with his thumb.

"Don't you ever change, Harry." She looked him in the eye with sincerity. "Never."

"Why are you saying this?"

"I'm not stupid, Harry, I know all about Ron and the so-called _Fab Five-_"

"Y-Y-You did?" and Ginny nodded. "Then why didn't you say something?"

"Because I thought that it was nice of you to try and improve yourself for me." Harry stared at her and she smiled with care. "Only when I gave it a second thought I realized that I love you just the way you are, whether you're smelly after a Quidditch practice or when you blush when I catch you staring at me at the common room or when you wear the Weasley sweater My Mum sent you for Christmas even though it's purple with bows just because it was made with love no matter how stupid you look."

"I did look quite idiotic the other day." He admitted with a small bashful smile.

"You did, but I never loved more." She kissed him softly on the lips. "Promise you'll never change?" she nuzzled her head and her warm breath tickled his neck as he kissed her on top of her head.

"Not in a million years, Gin." He whispered and they swayed to the music in unison. "Not in a million years."

_And have I told you lately that I love you  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
You fill my heart with gladness  
take away my sadness  
ease my troubles that's what you do  
Take away all my sadness  
fill my life with gladness  
ease my troubles that's what you do  
Take away all my sadness  
fill my life with gladness  
ease my troubles that's what you do_

**21:00 pm:**

"They'll have beautiful babies for sure." Said a teary eyed Draco Malfoy as he was safely in his boyfriend, Terry Boot, arms. "I almost envy them."

"Don't be, love." Reassured him Terry and kissed him on his cheek and handed him his drink. "Don't be."

"They are sort of sweet, if you like mushy couples."

"Oh don't be an old fart Zachariah, give them a slack." Dean protected the couple in front of them.

"I don't know why you are so happy, he messed all we taught him, typical Gryffindor." He kept ranting and took a long sip from his drink.

"Sod of, Smith, you're just bitter because that Fifth year from Ravenclow turned you down." Pointed Colin and with that shut Zachariah up.

"You know what? I think that it doesn't matter whether he used what we taught him or not." Dean interrupted the quarrel and stopped it before it began.

"Why do you think that?" asked Draco and patted Terry hand.

"Because it didn't matter to him, he already got the girl." He beamed at the other four.

"You're right." Terry commented.

"Our work here is done." Stated Draco and raised his glass and the rest of the joined him.

"Cheers Queers." Said Dean and they all clanged their glasses took a sip and returned to watch Harry and Ginny.

"God he looks good."

_**THE END

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**_

A/N: love it? Hate it? Want me to take a little dance? Make a little love? Or just get down tonight?

Then review!

_**SnowFlakeGinny!**_


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